yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
