I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
