I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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