.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
