I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
