What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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