After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
