took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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