So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
