Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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