I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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