my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize