you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
