i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
