My liver just broke up with me...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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