Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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