God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
