We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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