I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
