Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my poor anus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize