guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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