The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
