She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
