when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
