He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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