So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
