he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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