Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
