Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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