i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
