i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
