My room smells like vodka and shame
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
