Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
