my shit smells like andre
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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