Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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