4 words: hood of his car
It was confusing and full of hummus
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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