dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
