Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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