The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Are my feet made of real feet?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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