Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
