you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where is the hickey?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
