That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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