is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
