OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
