How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize