Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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