Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
