Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
