sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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