Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
