Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
