His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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