Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
