i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
