dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
