Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
