dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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