Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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