Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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