If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
