i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We need to get me chipped asap
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize