He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
