So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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