my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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