I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
