I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
