She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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