i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
