I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he fucked my hip out of place.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
