Having a random hookup so left but love u
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
