Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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