Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
