I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
